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Taking Tenerife to task - not a hope in hell
By Joe | May 26, 2008
There’s a lot to be said for the mañana attitude still so prevalent in Tenerife. Urgent tasks are re-classified as tomorrow’s duties, ‘priorities’ tossed into the same to-do-basket as everything else. Result - stress removed, but mission usually unaccomplished. Lists help, but are rarely accomplished.
Yesterday morning I stared apprehensively at such a list that my caring partner had thoughtfully compiled lest I get bored with the leisurely pursuits that I had planned for myself on this, my only sodding day off.
1. Go to bank
2. Pick up post
3. Buy cat food
4. Make appointment for haircut
5. Book tennis
Relatively simple tasks I know, but I had the whole day to accomplish these goals. However, I knew that any task involving that four-letter word ‘B**K’ could throw any further intentions into complete disarray, so I decided to get the worst task out of the way first.
As usual finding a parking space less than a full day’s trek to the bank proved as easy as trying to find a waiter when you need to pay the bill. My request at the bank was met, as it always is without fail, with a look of utter incomprehension, as though I was the first idiot to ever step through their doors and ask for a statement. The girl looked to her left, her right, under her chair, for a clue as to how to deal with this strange requirement before deciding that a mini interrogation was probably in order.
‘Did I have identification?’
Yes I did.
‘Was the account at this branch?’
Last time I came in it was but this doesn’t necessarily mean it still is now.
‘Was it my account?’
Mine and the handful of others with whom the bank sporadically chooses to share my damn funds.
‘What was it I wanted again?’
Eventually a torn-off piece of paper was pushed my way. It’s reassuring to know that the bank is dutifully concerned to keep costs down by whatever means; re-cycling paper, minimal staff, zero training for aforementioned imbeciles etc.
Flushed with the success of my first endeavour, I walked the three and a half kilometres back to my car with a little spring of optimism in my step. I had received notification that a document had been sent and was in urgent need of my signature and so the post office was to be my next port of call.
After another personal pop quiz, the industrially-bespectacled lady begrudgingly shuffled off in search of the letter and after lots of paper rustling, drawer banging, and what sounded like bin-emptying she returned empty-handed with her hair messed up and glasses slightly askew, looking distinctly as though she may have fallen headlong into one of the mail sacks.
“It’s not here,” she explained with a finality that suggested I was now on my own.
“Well where could it be?” I interrupted as she summonsed the next in line.
She examined the notification letter over the top girder of her glasses.
“It was sent from Santa Cruz, so you could try there.”
“I’m not going up to Santa Cruz to try and find a letter that you have lost. What was it about?”
“It looks like a final reminder for something.”
Oh great, I thought, envisaging endless weeks of eating by candlelight waiting for Unelco to deem me worthy of electricity re-connection.
“Will you ask them to send it again?” I asked, by now beginning to feel more than a little irked.
One out of two isn’t bad I thought as I headed for the pet shop. I hate going to the pet shop and having all those puppies and kittens making me feel guilty for not buying them. I find myself backing out of the shop silently apologising to each and every one.
I was after a hundred-weight of high-gloss, low-calorie, easily-digestible hard biscuits for Fugly, my insatiable but very fussy albino cat. If it was up to her she’d live on a diet of buttered toast and strawberry yoghurt but apparently this is not very good for her.
That particular food wasn’t in stock so I toyed with the idea of taking her something different but I knew if I did she would only turn her back and refuse to talk to me for several days. Toast and yoghurt it was to be then until stocks were replenished.
One out of three still wasn’t too bad but then it turned into one out of four and the day started to drag my spirits down into that all too familiar murky pit of despair. Apparently everybody and their dog, cat and pet monkey wanted a haircut over the next four weeks and I wasn’t about to trust a total stranger with the task of creating my delicately styled ‘just-got-out-of-the-washing-machine-look’ that my regular hairdresser was so adept at.
Back at my house I was so weary with disappointment that I couldn’t be bothered picking up the phone to book the tennis, never mind actually running frantically round the court like a twat. So I threw the list in the bin and made myself some strawberry yoghurt on toast. Try it! It’s an instant pick-up. My cat can back me up on that.
Topics: General musings, Life in general, Tenerife |
June 22nd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Joe, your story made me chuckle and yes, I am afraid that is how it is here! I have got used to it and still am no further with projects I started long ago. I have one called aptly Mañana - its a song I write on the subject. I had a DJ who did some backing music for it and reckoned he could make a dance hit for the clubs here but just as it was coming together he had a load of problems and finally upped and left for Ibiza. Mañana has been mañaned!
Meanwhile I am currently trying to do a news story on a TV program filmed on location in Tenerife by a Welsh company who rented the place for four days. I thought the landlady would have been able to give me all the info and I’ve have a great story to write up. Name of the program? She didn’t know? Names of actors/actresses? Didn’t know. Name of company making it? Didn’t know but there was piece of paper there somewhere with info on it. I has taken a week for her to get the bit of paper to me and I have now contacted the production company in Wales!
I have bank tales, lost post tales and many more examples!
July 13th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Don’t you just love it! Atleast your kids are safe in Tenerife. But you did make me laugh and you did make me miss the old place.
Best wishes
David