With More Ketchup than Salsa currently riding high in the Amazon UK Kindle charts…

Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #264 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

• #3 in Kindle Store > Books > Nonfiction > Travel
• #3 in Books > Travel & Holiday
• #10 in Kindle Store > Books > Humour

…I’ve been asked to post a few tips as to how to market your book for this medium.

But first, I think it’s worth mentioning just what a jolly good fellow Amazon Kindle is for authors.

Self-publishing has been around since the first slab of stone was etched and passed round grunting hunters. Thankfully, it’s evolved a little now.

Up till around two or three years ago, ‘proper’ authors viewed the DIY lot with about as much regard as something they found soiling  their sandals. But many contracted authors are wishing they hadn’t signed their lunch vouchers over to publishing houses. And why? Because it’s so damn easy to self-publish… and perhaps more importantly, is potentially a lot more rewarding.

Compare the standard 10-12% royalty rates with a publishing house paperback with the 70% royalties you get from Amazon Kindle. Also bear in mind that you can have a whole library of your works for sale on the same electronic shelf, not be at the whim of a publishing house who like to do things one very small step at a time.

Naturally, as with any ‘business’, marketing is the key. Which brings me back to the point of this post… ‘finally’, I hear you sighing!

AMAZON MARKETING TIPS FOR KINDLE #1

Get some reviews on your book page. Ideally those that don’t say your a book is a load of crap. Badger friends, family, work colleagues and your pets. When you’ve amassed a few, make sure you put them above the production description blurb (see the link to my page on Amazon below). Unfortunately, even though you as the author might think your writing is the best thing since Mothers Pride, it’s what other’s think that holds most weight. So make sure your prospective buyer has the ‘others think it’s good box’ ticked straight away.

#2 coming soon.

You can buy More Ketchup than Salsa for your Kindle here, or for your ipad, iphone, pc/laptop and other reading device here.

More Ketchup than Salsa: Confessions of a Tenerife Barman.

You can always judge a venue by its toilets and on this score Vivo gets top marks for definitely the classiest bathrooms in Playa de las Americas (5* hotels excepted). The pre-show drink on the terrace is also a nice touch, though being served a meal before the show drags the evening on a little bit, despite the good quality food and service. With pre-show photos, pre-show aperatif and pre-show meal, the actual show seems a long time coming. However, when it does come it’s hilarious.

I’ve never seen the stars of the show, Bitter and Twisted (aka John Sharples and Barry Pugh) before even though they’ve been on the island for years. Combining classic clown timing and outrageous panto these are two of  the funniest people you’re ever likely to watch in Tenerife. I’m not normally a laugher, more of a titterer, but B&T had me crying, particularly with the ‘Should Have Been Me’ sketch. I don’t know if that was an original skit, but it was worth the entrance price just for that alone.

A dance trio perform in-between each routine which didn’t quite work for me. Yes, the theme is Decades, and yes they danced admirably through the various years, but it makes the show feel like a series of high quality routines stitched together with a  mismatching thread. The lulls in the show were when John and Barry left the stage and the dancers twirled on. Judging from the amount of lighting production spared on the dancers, it would seem that the producers of this show also just see them as space fillers, which is a shame.

Having said all that, the actual venue, the organisation and indeed Bitter and Twisted are exceptionally good and I would have no hesitation in recommending it as one helluva funny night.

Vivo Decades Treasure Island

Image courtesy Jose Bordon Tejera, a resident of El Pinar, El Hierro

Well, things are hotting up in El Hierro… if you’ll excuse the pun. From my perch on the western hills of Tenerife, I can see nothing but a dim outline of the island 60 miles away. No sign of any volcanic activity, no impressive funnel of steam and cloud reaching skywards, and no post-bonfire night sparks lighting up the November nights.

All that might be about to change though.

As is usual in this neck of the woods, forthcoming information has been ‘mixed’ to say the least. Naturally, those charged with the responsibility of juggling minimal panic and personal safety while ensuring economic stability while for the island and islanders have been a little reticent to say a fully fledged volcanic eruption is about to take place.

Others take a more prophetic view, some going as far to say that 11/11/11 is the day New Yorkers and their eastern seaboard bretheren should take a step or two away from the coast as a mighty tsunami is America-bound courtesy of a substantial chunk of El Hierro plopping into the sea.

Truth is, nobody’s really sure what is going to happen, although I believe El Hierro resident Raymond Matabosch might have it just about right on his blog post over at earthquake report.

Either way, the next few days should be very interesting and I’ll report back if our tiniest island starts throwing out the big stuff.

Binter - a proper airline

Just had the fortune to take to the skies with one airline that I actually enjoy flying with – Binter Canarias. This little island-hopper takes me back to the days when passengers weren’t considered to be a disturbance in the routines of cabin crew, a thorn in the arse of check-in staff and generally herded around like particularly dumb cattle. So why do I like them?

1. They make an effort to make the (short) flight an enjoyable experience
2. The cabin crew don’t treat the passengers like unwelcome gatecrashers at some insider party
3. Although you’re only in the air for a short while, they still have time to hand out chocolate wafers, sweets and water
4. Call me sexist but all the crew are attractive and make an effort with their appearance (unlike some other airline crews who could do with more than a bucketful of slappy

Shame they don’t do UK flights as I’m pretty darned sick of being treated with disdain by the likes of the infamous no-frills airlines. If they carry on the way they are doing, and keep winning the award… who knows, perhaps they will expand their routes and more people can see how airlines should treat their passengers… and get free chocolate wafers.

Well done Binter.

HolidayExtras.com Customers Awards 2010

Call me a geek but I’m always intrigued by travel awards. I think it takes the pulse of the current culture and economic climate. Take the recent HolidayExtras.com Customers’ Awards 2010. What does that tell us about the nation? That we’re not fooled by hot air publicity guff by certain airlines and we prefer our travel programmes presented fresh and conversationally rather than in scripted BBC tones. Anyways, to the awards…

There was probably not a dry eye in the house when the airline gongs were doled out, especially from Ryanair – self-professed world’s favourite, or not as it seems. Having said that, Aer Lingus won ‘Best Airline’, of which 29.4% is owned by Ryanair, so I guess Mr. O’Leary will be claiming 29.4% of that title. And why not, he seems to claim everything else.

Another of the industry’s more outspoken characters also did well amongst the flyers, with Virgin Atlantic picking up Silver in the category above and Gold in ‘Best Airline Cabin Crew’.

I can personally vouch for the winner of ‘Most Family Friendly Hotel’. A night at Liverpool’s Hampton by Hilton was thoroughly enjoyed by all the Cawley clan, especially 5-year-old Sam who not only had ‘the bestest spaghetti bolognaise ever’, but also spent half the night peering out of the window mesmerised by the to-ings and fro-ings of John Lennon Airport.

I was also glad to see Julia Bradbury picking up ‘Travel Personality of the Year’, sitting atop Michael Palin and Stephen Fry… so to speak. This is what she had to say:

Full list of runners and riders:

Best Airline – Aer Lingus
Best Airline Silver Award – Virgin Atlantic
Best Airline Bronze Award – Continental Airlines

Best Airline Cabin Crew – Virgin Atlantic
Best Airline Cabin Crew Silver Award – easyJet
Best Airline Cabin Crew Bronze Award – Jet2.com

Best Airline for Value for Money – easyJet
Best Airline for Value for Money Silver Award – Jet2.com
Best Airline for Value for Money Bronze Award – Continental Airlines

Best Airport – Belfast International
Best Airport Silver Award – Newcastle
Best Airport Bronze Award – Robin Hood Doncaster Sheffield

Best Airport Car Park – Heathrow Official Valet Parking
Best Airport Car Park Silver Award – Birmingham Short and Medium Stay
Best Airport Car Park Bronze Award – Newcastle Meet and Greet

Best Airport Hotel – Gatwick Courtyard by Marriott
Best Airport Hotel Silver Award – Sofitel London Gatwick
Best Airport Hotel Bronze Award – Manchester Hilton

Best Airport Hotel Restaurant -Sofitel London Gatwick
Best Airport Hotel Restaurant Silver Award – Bewley’s Hotel Manchester Airport
Best Airport Hotel Restaurant Bronze Award – East Midlands Thistle Hotel

Best Airport Lounge – Newcastle Servisair
Best Airport Lounge Silver Award – Heathrow T1 Servisair
Best Airport Lounge Bronze Award – Edinburgh Servisair

Most Family-Friendly Hotel – Liverpool Hampton by Hilton
Most Family-Friendly Hotel Silver Award – Heathrow Premier Inn
Most Family-Friendly Hotel Bronze Award – Heathrow Park Inn

Best Airline for Travelling with Babies – SWISS
Best Airline for Travelling with Babies Silver Award – KLM Royal Dutch Airlines
Best Airline for Travelling with Babies Bronze Award – Thai Airways

Best Airline for Travellers with a Disability – Air Canada
Best Airline for Travellers with a Disability Silver Award – KLM Royal Dutch Airlines
Best Airline for Travellers with a Disability Bronze Award – SWISS

Travel Personality of the Year – Julia Bradbury
Travel Personality of the Year Silver award – Michael Palin
Travel Personality of the Year Bronze award – Stephen Fry

More Ketchup than Salsa: Confessions of a Tenerife Barman

Well that’s nice. An email out of the blue from a production company asking if film rights are still available for my book, More Ketchup than Salsa: Confessions of a Tenerife Barman.

“Yes,” I replied tentatively, my brain scanning the voice for tell-tale tones of a friend on a wind-up.

But no, genuine interest! Blimey.

Two emails and a phone conversation later and I’m looking at flights back from Tenerife to Blighty to meet with said production company and hopefully get the ball rolling. Or at least inflated.

Either way – impending celluloid stardom or just a popped dream – I shall keep you informed over the next few weeks.

101 Honeymoon Ideas

Good to see the ‘city’ of Abama listed in Mark Hodson’s 101 Honeymoon Ideas site. For those that don’t know the Abama Hotel in Tenerife, it’s an immense resort colouring the west coast with a huge splash of green and a skyline of dusty rose.

I’m sure those looking for a post-nuptials ‘bash with a splash’ would appreciate the two-storey spa, championship golf course, ‘private’ beach and opulent accommodation.

Just looking at the pics reminds me I need to get married one day…

For info call Freefone Tenerife Tourism: 00800 100 101 00 in English, German, French and Spanish.
The Spanish Airport Authority also has a helpline 902 404 704 & 00 34 91 321 1000 with information about upcoming flight cancellations.

Anyhows, check out this page (I’m at the bottom) on hotels recommended by travel writers, to see which hotel I did recommend – and it’s not on Tenerife.